Bathroom Personalities

After working here for awhile I've accumulated an interesting list of Bathroom Personalities. You know, co-workers who seem to have some very interesting, oh, let's call them habits, in the restroom. Here is my list. Got any Personalities to add? Send them to me!

1. The Scrubber

This is a woman who is scrubbing her... well, we'll just imagine what she's scrubbing... for at least five minutes (that's as long as I've ever had to hang around to listen). The scrubbing sound is intermittently punctuated by frantic rolling of the toilet paper holder. She must use a whole tree's worth of TP per bathroom visit. My God, she must be sore. Is she hoping to rub it completely OFF?

2. The Prayer

This woman sings hymns on the toilet, and I'm not talking under her breath, but loud and free. Every so often she pauses to say, "Oh Jesus! Oh sweet Jesus!" Maybe she's got a horrible case of constipation?

3. The Flusher

This person has OCD when it comes to flushing. She flushes before she sits on the pot, several times while she is sitting on the pot, and, thankfully, when she is done sitting on the pot. Why?

4. The Person Who Seems to be Wearing an Inordinate Amount of Clothing

This woman takes forever pulling up and fastening her clothing. She must be wearing three pairs of pantyhose (yes, they still wear pantyhose in the South). She actually grunts and pants with all the effort it takes to re-clothe herself.

5. The Hairspray Lady

The woman who absolutely cannot visit the restroom without dousing her entire head with a can of aerosal, suffocating anybody else who is unfortunate enough to be in there to actually use the toilet. She also tends to be the woman who applies her make-up with a spatula.

6. The Lady Who Doesn't Wash Her Hands

That says it all.

7. The Mumbler

This woman carries on a conversation with herself, in low tones so you can't tell what she's saying, the entire time she's on the pot.

8. The Cell Phone User

Far more prevalent than any other type I've mentioned, this is the person who can't put down her cell phone even when she is taking a shit. Co-dependant much?

9. The Woman Whose Feet Point the Wrong Way

You can see her feet under the stall door, and they are pointing TOWARD the toilet. What the fuck??

That's all I can think of at the moment. I haven't made a single one of these up. In fact, I was just in there with the hymn-singer, which was what gave me the bright idea of making a list.